A List of people who believe in you

Last day or two I have been feeling like shit, have been feeling really low and loosing self confidence.
Yesterday spoke to my mother after a very long time for a very long time. It certainly helps. Its not for nothing that family is called the only institution you can always be sure of coming back to or relying.

Then out of nowhere at around 5:20 in the morning, a friend of mine gives me a call from New Delhi. We did our acting course together here in Mumbai, shortly after that he went back to Delhi. He was drunk and said that he felt like talking to all of his true friends and I was one of them. It was so heartwarming.

We spoke for about half an hour, and he told me to hang in there (without me telling me how I have been feeling), he told me how much he believed in me, and that one performance of mine which I did as part of our story telling project week, is still stuck with him and he knows that once I make it, I will go long way.

I don't think he has any idea how much that meant to me. How much confidence it restored in me. Because sometimes you need reassurance from outside when everyone has been rejecting you and you start doubting yourself.

I started thinking about all the people who have genuinely told me how much they believed in me, that they knew that I am definitely going to make it one day, that a person like me has to make it. And, I know that these people are not just saying it to make me feel better.

When so many people believe in you, there has got to be something special about you, there must be something which they can see, because sometimes you cannot see who you are, where you are, what you are. But people around you can see and know better.

So when so many genuine, true people have faith in me, in my abilities, then there must be something to it, I must not give up. Must try hard to prove them right. Must try hard to make them proud of me.

I am going to make a list of all the people who have believed in me and I know they still do, even if I am not in touch with them regularly.

And by the grace of God, I one day will thank them officially!

If anyone chances upon this post, and if you ever develop self-doubt, DO remember everyone who believes in you. Make a list of all those people's names and read it often.

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I signed up for this

That's how I guess 80% of an actor's days go, well, until they make it. I had 3 auditions today, could go for only 2. One of them was a look test for Mahabharat TV series (that's when they make you wear complete costume with proper makeup and then take your audition) and the other was for a cameo in a movie.

The cameo could have gone much better. And the look test was not at all good. So down the drain the day goes.

I need to have more camera practice. Need to hone my skills more.

Let's see what went wrong in each audition:

1. Movie Audition

It was an audition for Kumar Mangat's Movie under Big Screen productions:

The guy taking the audition began with taking my still pictures.
* am not good at posing and not good at being comfortable in front of the still camera.

In the actual audition:
* I was rushing through lines,
* The character was supposed to have lots of 'Rich Brat' Attitude.
* My gaze was changing while I was looking at the camera (pretending to talk to a character)

2. Mahabharat TV series audition:

I reached there by 4 and my look test started at around 6:30, 7. I had not eaten much through out the day and was already feeling tired and low on energy.

* Keep some handy snacks in your bag (nutri bar or something like it), and if possible, don't enter empty stomach or thirsty to an audition studio.
* I was again rushing through lines.
Although this time it was intentional, because the scene was supposed to be an angry scene and I thought it went well with the flow of the scene. But since it was a period epic, I should have been slower.
* Gestured too much with my head.
* Wasn't able to portray my anger very well. It did not come across as much as it should have.


An actor's job is not just to feel something, but more importantly to communicate it.

--> Assignment for tomorrow: Start working on the asterisked points.

Beautiful Lyrics

I had girl I knew she grew became a woman
now I think that she teaches
at one of the schools downtown
we used to roll the windows down
and play the music loud
smoking out in her car
Lost in west Omaha,
and we’d get drunk and kiss
our bodies twist like shoe laces.
And we never came untied;
I guess you were just my type.
You know that summer never stopped.
I still pretend I’m there.
Bands in the living room,
neighbors ain’t never cared.
So when I sat behind the drum set.
Your heartbeat’s what I tried to play.
With kick and snares so careless not in time.
So you got ahead of me.
And I guess I’m still dragging behind.
I had a friend who changed his name
but couldn’t change himself.
Never quite figured out
how to do with what life had dealt.
He put a needle in his arm
to calm his handsome hell.
who would have imagined it?
Could’ve worked out so well.
Now he's a shape that moves
like echoes through my empty room.
And there’s a voice that speaks
like someone’s right behind me.
I turned around and found
exactly what you would expect.
Clothes I left on my floor.
The papers piled on my desk.
But where the ink is
where the cause effect
what’s meant by it
the story is incomplete.
The pictures’ left unfinished.
So I am writing my own ending.
I’ll let my pen bleed black or blue.
And I will color in the meaning.
It will be gold and green and true.
And I’ll learn to love
my new discovered proof.
I’ll be grateful for this day.
I will be grateful for each day to come.

"I Will Be Grateful For This Day"
Bright Eyes

Another day in a promised paradise

I'd read on one of the acting blogs that an actor goes through so much rejection, blows to the ego, so many downs and disappointments, that it is an unbearable life. So one should have something exciting, something happy going on in one's life. Something which is not dependent on getting that acting job. As it is not in one's hand.

Something that you can look forward to, something to be happy about, after that not so good audition, after being returned from another audition as you did not look the part. Something to come home to, or rather, something to leave the audition studio for, the light at the end of the dark day when nothing else makes you go upbeat.

Well, today was not such a day, but as of now, this blog is proving to be such an entity in my life. After the last audition (third one!) of the day was done. I could not wait to come back and write something down. It could be that right now this is the shiny new toy in my hand. But I hope that does not turn out to be the case.

Well, since I started so early it was good to be the first person in 2 of the 3 auditions and getting done with it in a matter of minutes while at other times it used to take at least 2 hours!!

In all I gave 4 auditions today, and I think 2 of those went well. The ones that went well were a TV commercial for Colgate and another for some cold medicine I think or could be for Samsung, am not sure :-)

For this blog, I have decided that I will try to post two entries each day. One, a daily log of my activities towards my goal of becoming a full time paid actor. This will mostly be for my benefit.

And, the other, could be anything, I'd try to make it something of value to any reader of my blog, that I might eventually get.

Tomorrow, have to meet a guy for a small role in a movie. And, another ad audition. Let's see, how it goes.

In 59 Seconds: How to be liked in 59 Seconds

In 59 Seconds: How to be liked in 59 Seconds

Read this interesting article.

It says that if you want someone to like you, make them do YOU a favor!!

Yeah, you read it right. Even if it is as small a favour as lending you their pen or something like it.

It makes sense to me, let me explain how:

When a person does a 'favor' to someone, they consider their action to be benevolent, thus making them feel good about themselves. Of course, since the favoree ( ;) ) is the one associated (although subconsciously) with them feeling good about themselves. The person would end up, subconsciously) liking the favoree!!

Just my way of rationalizing this seemingly irrational behavior.

Actor factor : An actor's journey from oblivion to fame

Am quite excited about this blog. Excited enough to not be able to sleep and wanting to write :-)

I guess a workout at 11 pm, also might have something to do with it. Also its quite convenient to type away on your mobile phone lying in bed, with lights off.

So i have decided to keep the name ' Actor Factor' I think it sounds cool :-) & the blog's tag line would be 'An actor's journey from oblivion to fame' ! Because that's what am hoping it'd be. :-)

Also quite frankly, one of the major reasons to blog, is a (remote) possibility of being able to monitize this blog. I know the chances of it being anywhere close to being worthwhile are very less, but i can give it a try.

Also I think it'll motivate me to get into the habit of writing, because that is something I'd really like to do. I thing its very important for actors to create work for themselves no matter in what media.

Also by logging my journey, I think I'll become more responsible and I'll also become more regular in reading other blogs about acting, some of which're really useful.

So with crossed fingers and wishing myself luck, another blog about acting completes its muhurat shot :-) (that's what the very first shot of the day/project is called in India!)

Testing the mobile blog

Am writing this on my nokia N82 phone. Just trying to check if the mobile blogging thing works.

Am also attaching a picture with this post.

Not a bad day

Well, not a bad day for sure. Gave two auditions, one for a TV series and another for a TV commercial. I think both went well. Mainly because I had practiced a bit in front of the camera before leaving for auditions (I think am quite low on self confidence, I think I look pretty good on camera, but am self conscious of my smile, and hence if I have not seen myself on camera and re-assured myself that I look good, I remain quite conscious throughout the day, stupid I know, but that’s how it is.)

Also, I think one of the main reasons of the auditions having gone well was that I went early to both auditions, in fact I was the first one there, and hence the LONG wait for your turn did not end up sapping my energy and feeling like just getting done with it. So I was fresh and actually more spontaneous.

The third TV comm audition I went to, there was so much crowd and after waiting for 30-40 minutes I left (as they are auditioning tomorrow too) because I could feel the wait and just standing around sapping my creative energy.

What sucks mostly is that girls don’t have to wait around, the guys taking audition just let the girls inside the studio (yeah, the guys have to wait outside, most of the times standing, for anywhere between 30 mins to 2 hours or so), and girls just go in, give the audition and leave. I don’t see any girl standing up for equality of sexes that time!!

Went to the gym @ 1030pm, Just came about at around 12. Had a nice workout, Chest & Biceps.

Today I resumed reading ‘How to win friends and Influence People’ am reading it on wattpad (http://www.wattpad.com). It’s a nice book, actually contains advice which looks common sense, but we usually forget applying it in our day to day life.

Things like:

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain to/about people.
2. Always try to appreciate people and what they do as much as possible, but give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. If you want someone to do something for you, arouse in him/her an eager want to do it for you, there are several ways to achieve that.
4. Become genuinely interested in other people, their lives, what they do, what they think about things etc. Make it about them.
5. SMILE!! (I seriously need to adopt this, I don’t smile very often and hence come across as someone with loads of attitude or proud).
6. Always call a person by his/her name. Try to remember name of everyone you come in contact with. Believe me, it REALLY makes a difference, and in fact, the other person will remember you, just because you did something which he/she doesn’t get very often from people.
7. In a conversation, Listen more. Remember, 2 ears, 1 mouth, to be used in that ratio in fact mouth to be used much less!
8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest (I think a rephrase of no: 3)
9. Make the other person feel important (but being sincere about it). I think if you do all of the above, no:9 is taken care of.
10. The only way to get the best of an argumentis to avoid it. Or, as I say, never argue, always discuss, in discussions we keep an open mind and are not dogmatic.
11. Show respect for other person’s opinion, never say you are wrong. Well, again, if you follow prev point, this will take care of itself. Believe me, by keeping an open mind, apart from other person respecting you, it will lead to your own growth.
12. If you are wrong, admit it. (again, follow prev two points, this will take care of itself.)
13. Get the other person saying yes. (by asking questions you know they won’t say no to.)
14. Try to see things from other person’s point of view.
15. Dramatize your ideas. Be creative in describing them (doesn’t mean be dishonest)

Time to sign off now. Already 1 AM. Gotta try getting up by 5 or 6.

At the Theatre: To the Lady Behind Me by A P Herbert at Old Poetry.

This sums up my sentiments of people who spoil the fun of other viewers in multiplexes.

Add to the list given below people who talk on their mobile phones, people who bring kids who cry in the movies, people who come late and then move all around trying to search for their seats.

At the Theatre: To the Lady Behind Me by A P Herbert at Old Poetry.

Dear Madam, you have seen this play;
I never saw it till today.
You know the details of the plot,
But, let me tell you, I do not.
The author seeks to keep from me
The murderer’s identity,
And you are not a friend of his
If you keep shouting who it is.
The actors in their funny way
Have several funny things to say,
But they do not amuse me more
If you have said them just before;
The merit of the drama lies,
I understand, in some surprise;
But the surprise must now be small
Since you have just foretold it all.
The lady you have brought with you
Is, I infer, a half-wit too,
But I can understand the piece
Without assistance from your niece.
In short, foul woman, it would suit
Me just as well if you were mute;
In fact, to make my meaning plain,
I trust you will not speak again.
And—-may I add one human touch?—-
Don’t breathe upon my neck so much.

A nice post about making it as an actor

I just read this post about making it as an actor, and how the life of an average actor is (well not completely, as she made it as an actor. I don’t know if an average actor makes it, sadly)

Unfortunately, there are so many things she writes in her blog that I have done completely opposite of.

Firstly and my biggest error, I said no to not one but two assignments.

First was a play, in english, they needed an actor just about 4-5 days before their show, I said not because I am not that confident about my English and also because the character needed to dance in 2 (of 4) scenes and am not that confident about my dancing abilities too!

I mean I can do it, if given enough time. But I thought there was not enough time.

Second mistake, again was saying no to another project, a TV series this time. It was a 5 day work in a small city called Baroda. My reason to not do this was very very stupid.

I was in a very bad mood that day…nothing was going my way, I was feeling like a failure in life.

When I met the casting guy, he offered me the part. He had earlier taken my audition for one of the lead roles and then he offers me this 5 day role. I said no!! Which now I really regret.

I could have done with some money.

I was in a foul mood because lately most of the TV commercial auditions I have been going to have been rejecting me saying that I don’t fit the ‘Bill’ !! when I can see a lot of people who I think look like me, fitting the bill.

But now I think it could be my hair, I am growing my hair, trying to get the long hair look. So I guess am in that stage where the hair look really awful, also I cannot afford to go to a posh salon to get a nice hair cut. Maybe I should cut my hair short. It’s very less maintenance.